CPE is over, but in the words of one of my mother's favorite singers "We've only just begun...to live." It's strange that as I've finished up my CPE experience, gotten married, gone on my honeymoon, moved into my new place that God put me at an internship site that in some ways really harps back on my CPE learnings.
I was talking with my supervisor today in a "One-on-one" session, which was really about me more than it was about her. The conversation centered around "authenticity" and "identity" which are words that reflect back on my CPE goals. I mentioned that one of my goals for CPE was to learn how to speak out more, and to claim my voice - something that Deb seemed to be very interested in. I almost thought that just by saying that I was going to dissapoint her, but somehow, she almost seemed pleased by me bringing it up.
The other thing that happened was that Deb started to tear up when she was affirming the "light" that she saw in me. It was touching. I didn't cry, though maybe I could have at that moment. It was almost like she was affirming what I have always believed about myself - that I have something to offer. That I have been hiding my light when I want to avoid shame/embarrasment and fear. Like I've used my hand to block the light so that people wouldn't notice - when people did notice.
She did finally stump me though. She asked me what my greatest passion in the world was. I realized that I didn't know, but acknowledged that it was something that I could work on. Or perhaps that's not the right way to say it. Perhaps it would be better to say that I need to rediscover, or maybe even uncover my passion.
So I hope that over these next two years with LOTW that God will uncover my passions. It will be my goal for this year, to figure out what is worth grabbing on to and taking charge of. What's important?
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